Weird feelings before departure and useful experiences

I’m really looking forward to my trip. I have for a very long time now. (Since I was born, but mainly since September when I decided to go for it). Anyhow, I have been looking soooooo much forward to it, sometimes just lying sleepless just thinking about all the things I have to do before I leave and also dreaming about all the things I want to do during the trip.

But now that it’s getting closer, a new feeling has started growing. A sort of anxiety.

People have said that its brave of me to travel alone to South America for more than 6 months, but for me, it was just how I’ve always pictured if would be. But now, I’m getting a little afraid. I’m finally realizing that I’m going to be alone. Yep.

I know that I will meet tons of new interesting people and get lots of new friendships, I know, but since I’m traveling around from town to town, I won’t have anyone steady, no one to turn to when I need consolation, no one to take care of me if I get sick. And I won’t have my mother who always can lend out a hand if I need help. I’ll for the first time actually be totally standing on my two own feet. That’s scary!

That’s how I felt the last 2 weeks. But now, that there’s only 2 days left before departure, I’m getting quite sad too. I noticed on Sunday after the fencing training, on my way home after saying goodbye to everyone there, I had this really weird feeling inside of me that I couldn’t understand, like sadness instead of happiness. I felt like crying. A friend told me that it’s probably because I feel like I’m never going to see them again, but that I would, and that is true. So today, my last day at work, it went a little better to say goodbye to my co workers. This evening I spent with my roommate Sanna and my neighbor and best friend Carro just watching TV and talking. Have to spend every minute possible with the people I care about, if not, I feel like I’ve wasted time by being with myself.

The fencing family!

The fencing family having sunday-pizza!

Serious co-workers at  Ljud och Bildmedia.

Serious co-workers at Ljud och Bildmedia, my last day at work.

Min favvo-Axel

Quality time with Axel :)

I learned a few things about myself and what’s in head of me on my last trip to France.
First thing, bring a valid passport!! Yeep, I know it’s elementary, but I’ve done it twice now. Brought my old passport with me, who expired 2 years ago. Gratefully, I was within the Schengen-area, so I was able to fly with only my identification.
Second, in Lyon I got sick, throwing up and having problems with my stomach. It was quite weird being sick and not being at my home, I wasn’t able to just lie in bed and not be social to anyone. Also, I felt a sort of shame, because I wasn’t that good company either. I felt like I was in the way.
And third, when I was going home, my flight got cancelled due to a big snowstorm in Stockholm, so I got booked on another flight to Zürich where I was supposed to take another flight to Stockholm, but that one was also cancelled.

I got all stressed up because I had a freelance-job the next day and I didn’t know when I was going to be able to fly, and the cues where sooo long (it took 3 hours to get pass them). When I realized that I wasn’t going to make it that day, I found a new calm, and I started to talk to the other passengers who also were stuck, and I had great conversations. But it was sad too, because I knew that I would never meet them again. It was all just temporary.

I also noticed another thing, it is that, when I was stuck there and didn’t know anything about what was happening, I had this anxiety in my body, I was stressed, irritated and restless. I think it was because I didn’t know where I would end up, so I was stuck at the airport and I couldn’t do anything about it at all. I had no control. I think I need to know where I’ll be sleeping before I go somewhere. I have very easy to say “home” to everywhere I sleep, but I need to feel that I have somewhere that’s going to be my home for that night. Then, I can enjoy.

My lovely mum!

My lovely mum!

I’m so lucky – get an insight in a traditional swedish christmas

I’m lucky to have such a wonderful family, and I’m lucky to live in beautiful Sweden.

When we were younger we used to spend the summers together, when me and my mother were living in Spain, we stayed at my uncles’ house when we were visiting Sweden, and later when we moved here we spend a week together at our grandmothers house or at their caravan every summer. Nowadays, we kids are slightly older, and the family only get together on special occasions like birthdays or christmas, maybe that’s why I appreciate it even more now.

We are actually a really stubborn and besserwisser-family, and we do discuss a lot,  about really unimportant little things. But now that I’m older I start to smile when I hear the typical discussions springing, because it’s so typical us. (not when I’m being attacked myself of course, because in this family everyone think they are right, so sometimes it’s not worth to try to explain for example why you don’t eat meat, of course I can say my opinion but I can never be right (if they don’t already think as me, which they don’t, so…). But still, it’s family, and I love them!

I have celebrated ”real” Christmas here in Sweden with them just a couple of times, we used to have a new-years-eve-christmas instead only because I always spent the christmas eve with my family in Spain. Not this year though, due to some issues there and also because of my trip to South America, I wanted to spend my Christmas here in Stockholm with my mother and my swedish family, and I’m very glad that I did!

Celebrating my 25th birthday at my place

Celebrating my 25th birthday at my place. We ate lots of christmas cookies and homemade chocolate truffles.  And I got santa’s sparkles or whatever they are called in english. :)

Christmas 2012!

Christmas 2012! Our tree (yes, we do give each other quite many gifts!), me, my really good veggie christmas food (which I’m not responsable for), and the gift’s I had wrapped in :)

Panorama picture over Swedish traditional christmas celebration :) Gifts, wrapping paper, glögg, coffee, christmas candy...

Panorama over the living room, a Swedish traditional christmas celebration :) Exchanging gifts, reading rimes, drinking glögg, coffee, eating christmas candy… :)

Some of the gifts I got for christmas and my birthday from my family :)

Some of the gifts I got for christmas and my birthday from my family :) Very happy!!  Almost everything is for my trip! Really loooove the purple sweater! Yaaay!

Swedish winter 2012

The residential area and my balcony this winter 2012. Beautiful!


I’m also so lucky because it has been a really good winter so far this year. The last years here in Stockholm you never know how the weather is going to be in December, mostly it changes between being wet and dirty everywhere because of melting snow (yes, we had one period of it this year) and super slippery because the melting snow has frozen again, I was afraid it was going to be like a really cold and dark autumn instead of a white christmas. But nope! There has been loooots of snow! And it hasn’t been that cold at all! Usually, after 1-2 months of snow and darkness, I get really tired of it, but I haven’t this year. I don’t know if it’s because I know I’m leaving and won’t need to stand out with it during january, february, march, probably april, maybe even may….. But, I sort of feel that I actually will miss the beauty of it. But you can’t have everything ;)
It was my wish to have a good real white swedish winter here with my family before I leave, and I feel really lucky to have had it. Thank you!

What makes you feel lucky and happy this time at year?

Merry Christmas and a Happy new year everybody!!!!

P.S Feliz Navidad familia española. Que penita que no nos hayamos podido ver este año! Pienso en vosotros. Besitos y amor!


Det här med tidsinställt. Jag har sett att andra har det. Nu har jag hittat det här med!
Inte för att jag har användning av det riktigt… Men man kan ju skriva lite inlägg när man ändå är på g och sprida ut dem lite så att jag inte verkar så dålig på att uppdatera!
Här kommer några bilder från midsommar, jag hade världens skönaste dag – ute på klubbholmen med familjen, tog båten dit, åt, badade, läste, solade och myste. Asnice. Senare på kvällen mötte jag upp Erik o co på gärdet och firade lite med dem, spelade spel och natt-brännboll med lite norrlänningar, askul! Vi utklassade verkligen dem!

Mamma och mormor tjuvstartade med sillunch på båtklubben i väntan på resten av familjen Engleson. :)

Vi passade på att njuta av solen så mycket vi kunde. :)

Jag och tove tar årets första dopp! Man känner sig duktig, tills man kommer på att det är slutet av juni. Inte direkt så varmt i vattnet, men asvarmt ute!

Jag och Alvar på gärdet, med den supermäktiga himlen!

Senare var vi ca 10 minuter på fest hos Johanna innan vi blev utslängda, men det är en annan historia. ;) Haha. Skönt att jag hade bilen, va hemma på 20 min! Dricka té, titta på tv-serier… jag har verkligen blivit en tant! Haha. Hade föresten också bil nu hem från slutfesten… alltså. Det är sååån lyx verkligen. Jag är så jävla glad över att vara nykter när det är fest! Det har nog gått 6 månader sen jag senast drack nu, och det känns super!


Som jag har lyckats jogga 20 minuter i rad!!! Iaf som jag kan minnas.
(Det kanske hände någon gång när jag var liten. Inget som jag höll koll på när jag var 5 iaf) Men ändå. WOW. wowowowowow.
Jag skrev ju bara för några dagar sedan att jag klarade 5 min och då var jag sjukt stolt. Igår körde jag 8. Och sen på dagens pass så var upptrappningen (enligt appen) att jogga 20 min på raken without walking. Jag ba QUE?!?! hur fan ska det gå? Jag var rädd för att jag skulle få astma och dö ute i skogen. Men om appen sa det, så borde jag iaf pröva…. och det gick!!! Var sjukt jobbigt första minuterna, då jag ångrade mig helt att jag ens försökte det här dagen efter att jag klarat 8 minuter och redan kände av det i benen, men sen när man kommit över steget där man redan är trött men ändå klarar av det i den takten så var det lugnt. Det var precis samma utmattning vid 8 minuter som det var vid 20 min. Rakt igenom. Och ingen astma, bara svett! Woho!

På vift vid Hjorthagen

För övrigt så har jag också bokat lite flygbiljetter till semestern i sommar!
31/7 Åker jag till Budapest i Ungern och stannar där i 4 dagar innan jag drar vidare till Szombathely på träningsläger i 10 dagar. Sen drar jag till Wien i Österrike en snabbis för att ta flyget Barceloooona! Kommer hem i slutet av augusti. Tjoho.