Weird feelings before departure and useful experiences

I’m really looking forward to my trip. I have for a very long time now. (Since I was born, but mainly since September when I decided to go for it). Anyhow, I have been looking soooooo much forward to it, sometimes just lying sleepless just thinking about all the things I have to do before I leave and also dreaming about all the things I want to do during the trip.

But now that it’s getting closer, a new feeling has started growing. A sort of anxiety.

People have said that its brave of me to travel alone to South America for more than 6 months, but for me, it was just how I’ve always pictured if would be. But now, I’m getting a little afraid. I’m finally realizing that I’m going to be alone. Yep.

I know that I will meet tons of new interesting people and get lots of new friendships, I know, but since I’m traveling around from town to town, I won’t have anyone steady, no one to turn to when I need consolation, no one to take care of me if I get sick. And I won’t have my mother who always can lend out a hand if I need help. I’ll for the first time actually be totally standing on my two own feet. That’s scary!

That’s how I felt the last 2 weeks. But now, that there’s only 2 days left before departure, I’m getting quite sad too. I noticed on Sunday after the fencing training, on my way home after saying goodbye to everyone there, I had this really weird feeling inside of me that I couldn’t understand, like sadness instead of happiness. I felt like crying. A friend told me that it’s probably because I feel like I’m never going to see them again, but that I would, and that is true. So today, my last day at work, it went a little better to say goodbye to my co workers. This evening I spent with my roommate Sanna and my neighbor and best friend Carro just watching TV and talking. Have to spend every minute possible with the people I care about, if not, I feel like I’ve wasted time by being with myself.

The fencing family!

The fencing family having sunday-pizza!

Serious co-workers at  Ljud och Bildmedia.

Serious co-workers at Ljud och Bildmedia, my last day at work.

Min favvo-Axel

Quality time with Axel :)

I learned a few things about myself and what’s in head of me on my last trip to France.
First thing, bring a valid passport!! Yeep, I know it’s elementary, but I’ve done it twice now. Brought my old passport with me, who expired 2 years ago. Gratefully, I was within the Schengen-area, so I was able to fly with only my identification.
Second, in Lyon I got sick, throwing up and having problems with my stomach. It was quite weird being sick and not being at my home, I wasn’t able to just lie in bed and not be social to anyone. Also, I felt a sort of shame, because I wasn’t that good company either. I felt like I was in the way.
And third, when I was going home, my flight got cancelled due to a big snowstorm in Stockholm, so I got booked on another flight to Zürich where I was supposed to take another flight to Stockholm, but that one was also cancelled.

I got all stressed up because I had a freelance-job the next day and I didn’t know when I was going to be able to fly, and the cues where sooo long (it took 3 hours to get pass them). When I realized that I wasn’t going to make it that day, I found a new calm, and I started to talk to the other passengers who also were stuck, and I had great conversations. But it was sad too, because I knew that I would never meet them again. It was all just temporary.

I also noticed another thing, it is that, when I was stuck there and didn’t know anything about what was happening, I had this anxiety in my body, I was stressed, irritated and restless. I think it was because I didn’t know where I would end up, so I was stuck at the airport and I couldn’t do anything about it at all. I had no control. I think I need to know where I’ll be sleeping before I go somewhere. I have very easy to say “home” to everywhere I sleep, but I need to feel that I have somewhere that’s going to be my home for that night. Then, I can enjoy.

My lovely mum!

My lovely mum!

1 tanke på “Weird feelings before departure and useful experiences

  1. Ja du gumman hmm hade du frågat mig innan du bokade så hade nog mitt råd varit max 4 månader och det med tanke på just det du säger om att vara ensam. Vet lite om det från Calella tiden även om det var annorlunda. Låt nu inte ditt ekonomiska sinne råda för mycket bara utan unna dig ett hostal då och då och internet så vi kan what’s upa och du får pep talk och ny energi från oss här hemma.


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